3am maddness

I have a love/hate relationship with my brain chemestry sometimes.  For example, tonight.  I'm manic.  When I'm manic, I clean, which is awesome... I get things done.  Tonight, I cleaned (literally... with a magic eraser) my fridge and my cupboards.  So, that's the love part.  The hate part is that now it's 3:30am, and I'm not really tired. 

Since I'm not employed right now, it's not a huge deal, but I do have things to do tomorrow, and some of them I'd kind of like to be a little awake for.

The thing that kinda bugs me is that I only ever seem to get really into doing things after dark.  I'm just not a day person... more than that, I'm not really a sunlight person.  I've noticed this a little recently, since I haven't been out of the house much.  What troubles me is that this morning, my landlord, who usually just sticks my mail under my door, actually knocked on the door and handed me the mail... Just to make sure I was still alive.  Seriously.

I'm going to try and be more productive tomorrow.  I got my EI, and next week, I'll start getting my actual payments (I'll be one of those people shopping on "cheque day"... joy...), but that's not reason I can't do something productive.

alright.  I'm going to try to sleep.

Or, stare at the ceiling for a few hours.  Either or...

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Pain in the back...

So, I've had a sore back all day.  Like I've pulled something.  But that will not deter me from my goal. 

1667 words y'all!

Well, that, and setting up my new writing station.  Yes, yes, a real, comfy, non-office writing station.  I'm moving my pink plushy laz-E-boy up to my desk, and taking the uncomfy kitchen chair back to... well, the kitchen.  Then I'll move the rocking chair to where the plushy chair is, so relly still has somewhere comfy to sleep. 

30 days of Madness has to start with a little insanity, yes?

Also, I got EI today.  It went through... first try even.  That was a real shock, I figured I've have to appeal.  But, it's good now.  I'm not going to starve before I find another job.  Yay! 

But my back still hurts.  And I need some water.

That's all for now... saving my fingers for my as-yet untitled novel.  :)

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Sick...

I'm nauseous.  I'm dizzy.  I have double vision.  I'm sick!!!  Snuggle me?

At least it doesn't feel like the flu... It feels like food poisoning.  Stupid little Caesars. 

Adam says that it's probably going to get worse before it gets better.  So, tomorrow I'm going provision shopping.

Shopping List:
1. Apple juice
2. Broth-based soups.
3. Buckleys day/night caps.
4. Soda Crackers
5. Gingerale

I'm going to go take some gravol and throw on some vapo-rub... Hopefully any fever will only fuel my Nano... they don't call it "literary abandon" for nothing.

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Welcome to Crazytown...

So, about 2 hours ago, North Bay closed their ONE and only open flu-shot clinic due to overwhelming turnout. Not because they ran out of vaccine, but because too many people came to get it.

Further proof that the City of North Bay has no idea how to manage media and the masses. I'm sure they're just trying to incite a riot to make more than MCTV news after the first commercial break...

Anyways, as people continue to flip out, freak out and panic because of the small chance that they may get the sniffles and DIE (oh noes!), I'm actually ok. I'm bunkered down in my basement fortress of awesome. I have bottled water, latex gloves and masks, and a few extra bottles of Advil prepared and ready for when it hits.

What? No, not the flu. The mass hysteria.

To answer your question, no. I'm not getting the damned shot. Not even a little. Why? I've already been exposed. In fact, Adam's pretty sure we've both already had it; we were sick after our venture to Sudbury for his work-thing. Also, because the shot is a stupid idea. It only protects against this strain of the H1N1 virus. Not against any mutations. So, even if you get the regular flu shot, and the H1N1 shot, you're NOT EVEN A LITTLE protected when this thing mutates.

And it's going to. Know how I know? Simply put: I lived on Rez for 3 years! I've seen every imaginable disease, from the mildest of head colds to a simple sore throat, to the flu people brought back from Christmas Holidays, mutate into something much worse (remember: Mono with Strep and Bronchitus in first year? Mumps? Menengitis? the GastroHell that a lot of people went through year before last? Proof).

It makes you want to scream. To beat people over the heads until they realize that It's going to be ok, and to get over it. NO NEED TO PANIC!!!

Unless this thing mutates into the T-Virus and Zombies start taking over. Then you can panic. Zombie Apocolypse is definatly not something I'm totally prepared for, but I do have a plan involving Canadian Tire, EcoTrex and the cleansing power of fire.

so, we need to talk.

Here's the thing.

I started this so I could express myself. Recently, it seems I've been apologuizing for what I've been writing more than writing what I really feel.

Part of that is my obsessive need to apologuise for everything I do, sometimes before I've even done it.

Part of this is also the stuff that's been going on. I've felt more and more the need to censor myself, to shut up or "suck it up", as one of my former managers so eloquently put it. I am suprised by how much more repressed and put down I feel since I left a place where I felt that way every day because of someone else. Now, it's me doing it.

And more and more, I'm feeling the need to isolate myself. I don't want to go outside, I don't want to be around people. I don't want to go for a walk or a drive... Because i'm afraid. Because every time I've gone outside for the last few weeks, it seems like something else goes wrong. It seems like I turn around and someone else is slapping me in the face.

So, for the next little while, I'm just going to stay down. Let it all blow over. Hope that when I emerge, I won't have to say I'm sorry every time I think.